Perfect
by othspnluver
Summary: A continuation to It's Only Life - Reid's musings about his father and how their relationship has been severed over the years. One-shot


**This is a continuation to It's Only Life, but more about Reid and his father. The song is Perfect by Simple Plan.**

**Thanks to Danieee328 and JateSkateFate815 for helping!**

**Enjoy! Oh, and the Spot referred to in the beginning is the same spot The Sons had all driven off of in the movie, during the car chase scene. I wasn't sure what the place was called though, lol!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything you see familiar, only the plot.**

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Perched on the edge of the cliff, Reid Garwin looked down at the calm water below him. They were hitting the rocks gently, swaying side to side, almost like following a beat or rhythm to a song. He looked up at the night sky and closed his eyes as the cold wind hit his skin. He began to remember the first time his father had brought him here.

_Lawrence Garwin got out of his car, closed his door, and opened another door to help his son out. He picked Reid up as soon as he closed the door, since he knew how energetic his son was and how he never liked to stay in one place for long. He swung his five year old son around in a few circles before planting him on his hip. He grinned at his son's laughter._

"_What we doin' here daddy?" Reid asked, tilting his head to the side._

"_Well son, remember how I said that you would get to see something special if you behaved in school today?" He asked his voice warm and gentle, something he reserved for his son only._

_Reid nodded his head, remembering how his mommy had said he had been good and she was proud. He also remembered how he had told them every detail of his day, sure to not let them miss one thing since he could tell they would be sad if he did._

"_This it?" Reid asked, confused as he looked around. They were just standing there … no candy, no toys, no party!_

_Mr. Garwin chuckled and said, "_This_ is my spot." He explained simply, "See … Uncle Will, Jack, and Nate all have one too, like me."_

"_What's mine?" Reid asked, his blue eyes lighting up at the prospect of having his own spot._

_Lawrence laughed at his son's enthusiasm."You'll choose yours one day when the time is right. It could be this one." He used his one arm to wave at the space outstretched in front of them._

"_Really?" Reid asked loudly._

"_Of course! Garwin men can share!"_

"_Yeah!" Reid cheered, throwing his arms in the air. "I share today! With Ty! Pogo not give Ty his block. Ty want it to make big building!" He exclaimed, using his hands to emphasize. _

_Lawrence nodded understandingly, "Jackson doesn't like sharing with Nathaniel a lot either." He restrained himself from laughing so he wouldn't hurt his son's feelings, but it was hard since Reid was frowning with all seriousness._

"_That's bad." He said shaking his head._

_He had lowered him to the ground, and then sat down, cross legged. Reid followed his dad's example and sat down too. They weren't sitting on the edge of the cliff, but only a few feet away. It's not like Mr. Garwin would let anything happen to his son anyway. "What did you do about it?"_

_Of course Mr. Garwin knew this story, but he also knew it was Reid's favorite part to tell._

_Reid grinned, all seriousness vanishing, "I gave him all of mine!"_

"_Because…"_

"'_Cause Gawin men always share!"_

"_That's right!" He tickled his son, not giving in quickly when he heard giggling shouts of 'Stop' accompanied with more laughter. Moments later, when they were both calm, he said, "I'm proud of you son. I always will be."_

He opened his eyes, his wistful smile washed away as reality came crashing back down on him.

_Hey dad look at me  
Think back and talk to me  
Did I grow up according to plan?  
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?  
But it hurts when you disapprove all along_He watched as his dad's eyes glanced over to them, but Reid knew he wasn't looking at_ him_. No, his dad was looking at the rest of the sons. He knew his dad always felt envious towards his own brothers. How could he not? Especially when William Danvers' son is responsible and has what it takes to be a leader. Lawrence Garwin always did believe his son needed to be shaped up, more reliable.

'He has a future!' Reid mimicked his father, internally. It's not like Caleb was the only one who had to grow up fast. Or did his father happen to forget that little detail?

Then there was Jackson Parry's son, who is as loyal and trusting as they come. He would do anything for his brothers in a heart-beat, they all would for each other. But Pogue did it differently, because while Caleb and Tyler would rather think out the situation and weigh their options, and of course Reid was the reckless one, Pogue was the one who did it out of the best intentions. No matter the consequences. Reid had nothing personal against his brother, but he wished his father would look at him the way Jackson did to Pogue.

Nathaniel Simms' son, well he was the exact opposite of Reid, everything he wasn't. Reid isn't shy, quiet, calm, good in school, obedient, and that's just to name a few.

"Tyler … That boy has potential to do great things." His father had once said. Reid scoffed in memory of that moment and shook his head.

_WHAT ABOUT ME?!_ He wanted to shout that at the top of his lungs.

_And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't pretend that  
I'm alright  
And you can't change me_

Everyone stood, gathered together as the coffin was lowered into the ground. Reid's jaw was tightened, with his hands clasped together tightly, fighting the urge to run out of there. His father was reacting the same way, unbeknownst to him. Beside them stood both sets of their brothers as well as their mothers/wives.

At that moment, they both wished they couldn't feel anything.

Their entire world was shaken, everything was strewn around wildly, their feelings, emotions, thoughts, all of it was scattered. It made them realize that they_ weren't_ invincible … even with the Power.

Lawrence believed that maybe trying to force the feelings down, maybe ignoring them would be better. He had no clue how long he would keep up that façade.

Reid believed that Using helped him a little each time. He knew it was wrong, but each time he did it for personal gain he told himself that it wouldn't hurt and he would get used to it.

He welcomed the small voice in the back of his head that told him to not Use like that. It sounded so much like this mother's … The same reprimanding tone, the way she would talk … It was just the voice. He felt like all memories of her were slipping away, most of all her voice. But the others, they didn't understand that. They just thought that he was grieving which soon turned into him being reckless in their eyes. They didn't understand what it was like, and they_ never_ would.

Reid Garwin would do_ anything_ to hear his mother's voice again, and he did just that.

_'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect_

Maybe it's him.

That was the conclusion he had come to one day. Maybe_ he_ was the problem. Thirteen year old Reid Garwin stared at himself in the mirror, trying to decide what was wrong with him.

His eyes skimmed over his light blonde hair, completely sure that wasn't the problem. It was similar to his mother's, but more of the texture. The color was definitely his father's. He knew it wasn't his voice because he was going through puberty and it always cracked!

Groaning in frustration, he slammed his hands against the table, causing the mirror to shake. He steadied it instantly, not wanting the mirror to fall and shatter.

Once it stopped shaking, he looked back at his reflection and caught something he had missed.

_How could I miss that so easily?_ He thought, lifting a hand to touch the mirror where his eyes were. The same ice blue eyes he and his mother shared. He stood there, baffled at how he had forgotten that easily.

He furrowed his brows, feeling guilt creep up on him, mixed with a sense of uneasiness. It had only been two months since- Well he couldn't possibly be forgetting things that quickly, could he?

He spun around instantly and lunged toward his bed. Landing on top of it with a bounce, and he pulled himself until he could reach under his bed for something. His hands moved around, and they finally touched something. Patting it a few times, he grabbed the box and pulled it out and onto bed. He flipped open the lid and began rummaging through its' contents. Then, he turned the box over and dumped everything out.

There were pictures of her and him together, a few family pictures, and some including group pictures with all the dads, moms, and sons. There were several other memorabilia, but he picked up the one that he needed the most right now.

It was a picture, the size of his palm, and she was in it, with him seated on her lap. His mother sat there on a chair that wasn't visible, but he remembered they had hired a photographer to come over that day to take pictures, and this was one of his favorites. The background had been completely white and they were both dressed to impress, in dark colored shirts. He wasn't sitting still though, and had moved right when the picture was taking. His head was tucks under her throat, but his body faced the camera. Right when the picture was taken, he lifted his head and grinned wildly. Talia's head was pushed up, causing a real grin to break out across her face, causing the force formal smile to vanish. He could_ almost_ remember his parents' laughter when they had seen the picture.

What he concentrated on the most was the contrast of their eyes against the white background. The crystal ice blues eyes just captured anyone's attention when they saw the picture.

It was his favorite one.

_I try not to think  
About the pain I feel inside  
Did you know you used to be my hero?  
All the days you spent with me  
Now seem so far away  
And it feels like you don't care anymore_

"What did you do now Reid?" Mr. Garwin asked, exasperated. They were seated in the provost's office in Spencer. Reid's teacher had actually called home, requesting for a parent/teacher meeting with the provost and Reid there. Apparently the teacher had the last straw with Reid's_ witty_ comments in class. They were the only ones in the office right now, since the Provost and the teacher had stepped out.

"Nothing." Reid muttered, looking down. So this probably wasn't the best way to start off his freshmen year. But was he going to do in that class? Caleb, Pogue, and Tyler weren't in it with him. There were Aaron … But that's not a positive.

"Reid." This time he spoke sternly. He was being stern … Now? Didn't he think to be stern before, or any other time? Just because he was finally called down to the office_ this_ year he was going to act like this now? Reid was bordering on the edge of just jumping up and yelling at him, he was livid. Reid bit the inside of his cheek to keep from lashing out.

Instead, he looked up and stared him straight in the eyes. Lately they had been avoiding eye contact and he wasn't even sure why. He looked into his father's tired eyes and noticed that it wasn't just today that was affecting him. No, this wouldn't have that big of an impact on his father. It was the past year's struggle they had gone through. Lawrence broke eye contact first.

_And now I try hard to make it  
I just want to make you proud  
I'm never gonna be good enough for you  
I can't stand another fight  
And nothing's alright  
_

His building anger began to slowly melt away.

He had considered what his father was going through, losing a wife and soul mate. But he couldn't stand to think of it because it felt so overwhelming.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, ducking his head, the front of his blonde hair falling forward, covering his eyes.

A few moments passed by until he heard his father's deep voice, "Let's see what we can do." He referred to the teacher's low tolerance.

Reid looked up, shocked, and wanted to say something. But he couldn't, his father had looked away.

_'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect_

Reid sighed, closing his eyes. He didn't hate his dad. He tried to though … countless times. But it just never lasted.

He could think the words, sometimes even say them. But he was never able to_ mean_ them.

_Nothing's gonna change the things that you said  
Nothing's gonna make this right again  
Please don't turn your back  
I can't believe it's hard  
Just to talk to you  
But you don't understand_

_Does he think that I don't care, that it hasn't affected me … Just because I choose to keep what I'm feeling to myself, instead of going around crying about it like a pansy?_ He thought bitterly._ Where do you think I got it from_ father_? Reid Garwin doesn't need anyone's pity or sympathy._

_'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect_

_I still need you!_ He wanted to shout at his father, as he watched him walk into his study room and close the doors as he had done every night.

He thought about confronting his father and talking to him. But he couldn't. It wasn't as easy as just tapping his father's shoulder. They just aren't like that.

_Garwin men don't share their feelings._

He_ had_ tried though, numerous times. But something always made him back out at the last moment. Right when he was two feet away, he'd duck into the nearest room or hallway.

It was times like these he envied Caleb the most. At least he had his mother left, and she still cared about him even though it did border on obsession at times. He doesn't blame her.

It's why he scoffs whenever he catches Caleb talking about how much his mother's attitude bothers him. But they both know that Caleb would never do anything about it.

_'Cuz we lost it all  
Nothing lasts forever  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect  
Now it's just too late and  
We can't go back  
I'm sorry  
I can't be perfect_

But maybe … It_ wasn't_ too late.

Reid placed his hand on the doorknob, hesitantly. But, not letting himself feel any more doubt that could possibly prevent him from continuing on, he gripped the doorknob tightly and turned it. He pushed the door open and looked inside the office. "Dad?" Reid mustered up all of his strength and courage, and stepped through the door and into the office. He stood with a straight posture, trying to keep the anxiety and nervousness out of his voice. "We need to talk." He said, just as his father looked up.

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**So what'd you think??**

**Please review! Thanks for reading! **


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